funny sayingsThis is a featured page

here are all of my favourite sayings... enjoy. or not enjoy, it's you're choice...

0 , Girl: Hey (your name), I need some advice. You: Ok, when life gives you lemons, you make me a sandwitch.
Girl: What about the lemons? You: Lemons? Who puts lemons on there sandwitch? You are wierd! GO MAKE ME MY SANDWITCH!!
0 , Turtle's Can Swim ! I Can Swim ! ThereFore I Am A Turtle :) !!

0 The cat is cuter than you ya ugly *******!!!

0 Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

0 I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

0 I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather … Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

0 We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

0 I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

0 Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

0 You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

0 I don’t care, I don’t have to.

0 Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

0 I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

0 I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
- George Carlin

0 A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.
- Burt Bacharach

0 If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
- Harry S. Truman

0 Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

0 When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

0 I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

0 I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

0 I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

0 Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

0 The word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’

0 The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

0 You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!

0 Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

0 What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

0 He who laughs last didn't get it.

0 After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

0 Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

0 I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

0 When Life gives you lemons, throw them at someone!

0 It takes a lot of brains to look as dumb as I do.

0 I sat back looking at the stars and began to think... where the hell is my roof...

0 When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how the **** you did it.

0 My mind works like brilliant flash and it's gone.

0 The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

0 Do not take life too seriously; no on gets out alive.

0 Men are like slinkies. They bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

0 You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder, you get hit in the nuts, i bust a ******* gut.

0 I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly.

0 Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why.

0 I don't have a dog... I eat my own homework. I'm not random, I just have many tho- OH A SQUIRREL!

0 I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play Rock, Paper, Scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you *******!

0 Don't knock on death's door ring the bell and run he hates that.

0 While at hogwarts i wil not : ask harry if his scar sences are tingling.

0 While at hogwarts i wil not : sing off to see the wizard when sent to the headmasters office.

0 It takes 42 muscles to frown,28 muscles to smile,but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone.

0 Education is important, school however, is another matter.

0 Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls.

0 Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

0 You can't spell 'funeral' without 'fun', nor 'manslaughter' without 'laughter'.

0 Lead me not into temptation...I can find it myself.

0 Everything in this room is eatable. Even I am eatable. But that, my dear children, is cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

0 I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away.

0When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

0 Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

0 No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.

0 I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

0 Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

0 Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

0 A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

0 There are people in Africa that can't afford sarcasm, and yet, you abuse it.

0 I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

0 One day, will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

0 Some people say, "I'm Ballin' not Stallin'" do they even know what it means? Ballin' means sexin', and Stallin' means you're stalking someone. Just telling
you what some words mean. ;]

0 Boys suck, girls blow ;]]

“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong (amendum) Anything that goes wrong will do so with explosions

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Latest page update: made by RommyViltrakis , Nov 17 2012, 6:16 PM EST (about this update About This Update RommyViltrakis Edited by RommyViltrakis

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